Today, I’m sharing with you my heart about my biggest regrets in business. When I first started out I was super gung-ho about my calling into the world of entrepreneurism and the kind of life I could create for my family and I. But I made some mistakes and have some regrets about those early, early years of this whole business and blogging gig.
I don’t ever want you to become delusioned by my business story (or others, for that matter). I don’t ever want to misrepresent my trials, errors, or struggles in business, either.
I started this blog to help moms and wives start businesses from their kitchen tables. To really believe and have the confidence they could replace or exceed their current income. But I also feel it’s important for me to share my personal journey with you.
Trust me, it’s not all glitz, glamour, and glitter.
This is why I think super important for me to share with you some of my biggest regrets in business.
I’m a little nervous, but here goes…
Regret #1 – Checking My Heart & Ego At The Door
On the surface, when I started my business, I simply wanted to replace my income and come home full-time with my children and homeschool them. That’s pretty noble right?
But as I got going in business, deep down I felt this need to prove something to others.
– That I could “make it” as a business owner.
– That I would prove their jeers and sneers all wrong.
– That my desire to be a homemaker, housewife and homeschooling mom didn’t mean I was stupid or throwing away my education and career. (Hello! I’m far from dumb – Mrs. Masters degree in Engineering here.)
But I still felt this need to prove something to everyone else who didn’t believe in me.
Then that spun into this Ego Crisis, as I like to call it. What I mean by that is, in order to compensate for my personal feelings of perceived insecurity, I started looking down on those who were clueless about to create an income in the most unconventional (albeit legal) ways or who knew about these ways, but just didn’t get it or believe in it.
I even started doing some of the same jeering and sneering that others were doing to me. Just not in their faces because that would be totally rude.
My heart started off in the right place, but then it downward spiraled into the wrong place, taking my Ego along with it. I’m telling you Ego trippin’ is a lonely journey.
Check out my Facebook Video – Entrepreneurs vs. Employees Who Is Greatest In The Kingdom?
SPIRITUALITY IN BUSINESS with Angelica Duncan! Entrepreneurs VS. Employees Who Is The Greatest In The Kingdom?
Posted by Angelica K. Duncan on Wednesday, January 20, 2016
You know, matters of the heart and ego are twins. They’re like two sides of the same coin. You’ve got to keep both of them in check, otherwise they’ll leave you bankrupt.
My best advice for you, if you’re experiencing this same need to prove something to people and you want to keep your heart and ego pure is to protect your gates.
Guard what you watch.
Guard who and what you listen to.
Guard what comes out of your mouth and who you share things with.
You get to set the tone for your environment, so be sure to make it one that’s nurturing to your whole-being. Body, mind, soul, and spirit.
If I could do it all over again, I would have quickly gathered good people around me, even if I had to find them online, places like my Facebook page, and other blogs that would keep my eyes and mind on the prize and my heart and ego in check.
Which brings me to my biggest regret in business #2…
Regret #2 – Having Good People Around Me
I cannot emphasize this enough…
You are like the 5 people you spend the most time with.
In most cases, when you step out to start your own business, the people around you may not have the same vision or idea. What’s worse they may not know how to fully support you in that. It could have nothing to do with them, but simply with how God has wired you. (So stop blaming people who don’t “get you” and your big dreams for business.)
If you’re married, this can be an especially tender subject. We often believe that if one person is entrepreneurial minded, then both spouses need to be. That’s just not true at all.
When I first came up with this idea of starting a business from home, my husband didn’t totally get it. He’s always supported me and my dreams. Always. However, initially he didn’t get what all of this was about. He had his level of disbelief. He wasn’t totally sure it would work. (If I’m honest so did I. I mean, who did I think i was to step out here and build a business from nothing?) The beautiful thing about it is, he came around over time and is my biggest cheerleader to date!
At the time, my friendship circle was pretty small. I was in the throws of having babies, so my world pretty much revolved around my husband, children, and work. There wasn’t a lot of extra time for ‘Girls Night Out’ and things like that.
I didn’t have (and I really NEEDED) a lot of good people around me to help add some fuel to my dreams.
I needed people who were further along in their journey than I was.
I needed people who were also in the same stage of their business as I was.
I also just needed a few of my own personal cheerleaders, who believed in me and my dreams of building my down business.
That’s a huge reason why I am a cheerleader of women because I know what it’s like to be out there for the first time, in the biggest game of your life and to have no one (almost) cheering you on. I may not be in your inner circle of friends, you and i may never meet, but if I can encourage you to keep going with your business, to keep believing in your dreams, and to keep doing the work then at least you have someone in your corner. For so many women out there, that matters. A lot.
Also remember the people in your circle affect those “gates” we talked about in Regret #1.
My best advice for you, if you find yourself with not many people around you who believe in you or support you, then go out there and find them.
They. Are. There.
Ask God to connect you to the right Facebook pages (like mine), groups, friendships, etc that will help nurture your dream of building an incredible business.
Also listen to podcasts, watch videos, read articles that are related to business ownership, women in business, marketing, confidence, and anything you can get your hands on that will grow you as a person and as a business owner.
Remember like I also said in Regret #1 you get to set the tone for your environment. This is how you do that.
Ready for my biggest regret in business #3? Keep reading!
Regret #3 – Letting My Husband Support Me In His Own Way (And Giving Him Time and Space To Grow In His Support)
This was a BIG one for me!
Again, my husband has never poured salt on my dreams. He believes in me. I know in my heart of hearts that he does.
I also know that men are very logical thinkers. They are also very visual. That’s just how God designed them. So they need the logic and the visual example often time to “see” and believe wholeheartedly in things.
My husband married this wild-child, wild-dreaming, super creative, super analytical woman. (God bless him. He didn’t know what he was getting into.)
So when I would present busienss ideas to him, I’d be in the high of the dream, talking super fast, super excited, busting at the seams! I probably scared him the first few times I did this! LOL
There was no logic.
There was no plan.
There was no understandable vision he could relate to, so I could have his 100% buy-in.
As women, we have to always go back to how God created men.
They are logical.
They are visual.
Instead of coming to him in my super-high, super-excited state about my newest brain-child, I should have calmed down, gathered my thoughts, written them down, and presented them to him, with my end goal (vision) in mind.
Now, when I have a brain-child about something, I use this technique. I actually speak from the angle of his vision for our family. (That really gets his attention, piques his interest, and pulls on his heartstrings!)
My advice to you if you have a reluctant husband or you want to win him over with your vision of building a business, is speak to him logically and visually.
You know your husband and you know him well. You know what excites him about the future – that’s where you have the advantage! Use that as your angle to share, with him, your vision and ideas about building a business!
This is where you will win his heart!
If he can see how your vision for building a business fits into his overall vision for your family and your children’s children, then you’ve tapped into the tender spot of a Godly husband’s heart.
(Let me be clear, I’m not advocating being manipulative, just to get your way. You have to come from a genuine place and really know about the matters of his heart as is relates to his vision for your family. When you do and when your vision for building a business fits in, it’s any easy “sale” to him because he’ll pick on up on your sincerity. The buy-in actually happens at the core of how your heart connects with his.)
I wish I would have done this in the beginning.
The other part to this was giving my husband the freedom and space to grow in his support of me (and to express it in a way that was natural to him). I’m generally very excited about life. When I support someone it shows up in all of who I am. Like there’s no questioning my support of you. Ever. Either I do or I don’t and you’ll know it for sure. LOL
My husband doesn’t express himself the same way I do. He does show support in the same way I do.
He’s more laid-back and passive, yet still very much an Alpha Male.
Support for him looks like this:
– Giving advice
– Taking mental notes
– Doing behind the scenes work
– Not getting in my way
– Making sure the resources are there to fund my dreams
– Giving words of affirmation (which is not my love language, by the way, it’s HIS)
Aren’t these all great?!
But I totally missed it thinking his support needed to look like mine.
(UGH Angelica. Just ugh. *insert faceplam*)
Let me also be clear, you don’t need support or “permission” from your husband to move forward with building your business.
(“permission” is in quotation marks because I don’t see anywhere in the bible where God says a wife needs permission from her husband to do anything.
Submission – yes.
Permission – no.
I’m not advocating rebellion and an unsubmissive heart. At. All.
The thing we have to remember is that at the end of the day, we all have to answer to God. Your excuse, on Judgement Day, for why you didn’t do the things God was calling you to do can’t be, “I was submitting to my husband.”
That’s not submission that’s being subservient.
That’s not biblical or Godly.
There is a way to move forward with grace and wisdom, even without the support or “permission.” Ask God to show you how. Many, many women have moved forward with building a business and a blog, without the belief, support, or “permission” of their husband. They were still submissive, Godly, Proverbs 31 wives. God used that very thing to make a believer out of their husbands!
There’s a way to do it that’s still honoring God and your spouse.
Go where God leads you. Watch Him work through you!
If you’re not sure how that looks, check out my Facebook Live video on this very topic.
What They Don’t Tell You…(The TRUTH and Reality of Building A Business While Working A Full-Time J.O.B.)
Posted by Angelica K. Duncan on Tuesday, April 12, 2016
Also pray and ask God to send older, wiser, Godly, Titus 2 women around you to help you with this. They will be a gold mine for you.
Oh Ladies! If someone would have been sitting on my shoulder, during those early, early, early years of building my business and helped me navigate all of that stuff, then maybe, just maybe, I would not have these biggest regrets in business.
It is what it is. I’m not ashamed of my journey. It’s made me who I am. It’s grown me up and matured me a lot. It’s strengthened my marriage and family.
I just hope you can a peak through my lens of regrets and avoid them as you start your journey. If nothing else, use this as a compass, if you find yourself lost or stuck.
Looking at my biggest regrets in business, do you see your journey in a new light? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this! You can chime in by clicking here!
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